things kevin hates

Chances are you’ve probably been involved in at least one secret santa exchange. In case you haven’t heard of it, the way it works is this: you get a group of people, and each person writes his or her name on a slip of paper. Then you take turns drawing names. You give a gift to the person whose name you pick. There are a number of variations on this theme, but they all go something like that. It’s a great idea—until it goes horribly wrong and, due to poor planning or whatever, one person gets completely screwed over. And the sole time in my entire life I’ve participated in a secret santa, I was the person who got screwed and ended up with nothing. I’m not really opposed to the concept in general, but I am still a little bit bitter. Click here for my heartwrenching tale of the great personal tragedy I suffered by being deprived of trinkets of almost nonexistent monetary value.

From the day after Thanksgiving through the 12 Days of Christmas, I’m pretty much a total Christmas music junkie. That includes spending a lot of time listening to the local all-Christmas music station. I’m not usually a fan of the modern, sappy stuff; give me a centuries-old carol or at least a 40s or 50s standard. But one tear-jerking song is so deliciously terrible that a shiver of excitement runs down my spine every time it comes on the radio. I speak, of course, of “The Christmas Shoes.” If for some reason you haven’t heard it yet, please check out the music video of it on youtube and have a good laugh before reading my dissection of it. (That video features scenes from a TV movie adapted from the song.)

First, some background courtesy of Wikipedia. The song was based on an Internet rumor which was brought to the attention of a member of the Christian music group NewSong. Now, I don’t know who this group is, but Wikipedia’s page on them says that they are notable for their charity work for underprivileged children. I have no reason to doubt that the members of NewSong are fine, upstanding members of their communities who do many good things, and I applaud them for that, but does that excuse coming out with the worst Christmas song ever? You decide. And to help you make that decision, I’ve prepared a detailed explanation of just how laughably terrible this song is. Click here to read it!

I’m not particularly fond of political correctness. I think it’s stupid when people get upset over trifling, petty, insignificant little things. But sometimes the anti-PC brigade is just as annoying. One of the most notable examples is the people who throw hissy fits every time they hear “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” or whatever. Get over it. Is Christmas the predominant holiday of the season for the vast majority of Americans? Yes, it certainly is. But where’s the harm in “Happy Holidays”? No one is trying to offend Christians by that. Should non-Christians be offended by “Merry Christmas”? No, they should shut up and get over it. But I can’t remember the last time I heard a Jew or Muslim or atheist or anyone else complain about hearing “Merry Christmas.” So they’re obviously doing okay. It’s the annoyingly thin-skinned, easily offended douchebags among the Christians who bitch and moan every time anyone slips into generic holiday greetings. Continue reading ‘people who are offended by “happy holidays”’