fitted sheets

I want to know what the hell the person who invented fitted sheets was thinking. I’m guessing it was something along the lines of “Let me make a sheet that never stays on a mattress, but let me advertise it as something that will stay on a mattress extremely well.” Fitted sheets are the scourge of my existence. They were specifically designed to do one thing: stay on mattresses. They are spectacularly unsuccessful at this one task. Therefore, they are completely and utterly worthless.

Every so often I wash my sheets and pillowcase. The washing and drying—that’s the easy part. The hard part is getting the stupid fitted sheet back on the bed. It’s a Herculean task requiring strength, dexterity, perseverance, and four-letter words. My bed frame gets in the way at both the foot and head of the bed, so I have to fight with that. Then I have to get a corner down at one end of the bed, then get the other corner at the same end. Then I have to crawl on top of my bed (the fact that my bed is tucked into the corner of my room doesn’t help) while yanking the sheet toward the other end, all the while hoping that it won’t snap off the other end, the elastic flinging itself toward me with a spiteful recoil. And if it snaps toward me, it probably takes the similarly designed, elastic-laden mattress cover with it. Most of the time I find myself jumping up and down and attempting to tug the last two corners under the mattress in the hang time I have, since my weight would otherwise make it impossible to get the sheet on.

In the event that I do manage to get the sheet completely on, it usually takes about a day and a half for it to work its way off. Then I’m back where I started. As I write this I have three corners of the sheet on the bed, with the fourth corner off so far that I pretty much have to sleep on one half of the bed unless I want to be on the mattress cover.

And the thing is, a regular sheet is usually big enough that you can just shove the edges underneath the sides of the mattress and it won’t come undone. The problem is that then you have to use the fitted sheet as a regular sheet and the elastic will get all over you. I don’t know how the fitted sheet was ever better than the alternative. It’d be one thing if it were hard to get on, but stayed very well once it was on. But no. It’s a pain to make, and it doesn’t stick, either. What a waste.


5 Responses to “fitted sheets”


  1. 1 Harry

    You could just use two big sheets. Problem solved.

    But yeah, I hate fitted sheets too.

  2. 2 kevin

    Yeah, but then I have to dig up another sheet or go buy one. But I’ve definitely considered it.

  3. 3 Robert K S

    I love fitted sheets, but I love this blog post, too.

  4. 4 Scott

    Do sheets really give you this much trouble. I have never had a problem with a fitted sheet in my 17 years of making my own bed and doing my own laundry. Folding them is another story, but once I was shown a brilliant method (by my mother) I have never been the same. My fitted sheets look great on the shelf as well as on the bed. Spring for a proper pair that fit correctly.

    Always,
    Scott

  5. 5 joe

    I never had a problem with fitted sheets until I got a pillow top mattress. Can’t find a fitted sheet that will stay put.

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