I had been planning on doing an essay on my hatred of smoking,* and while I won’t go through with writing that whole spiel at the moment, I was infuriated today when I was driving down the Interstate and a woman, some no-good punkish twentysomething hipster chick with short blond hair, driving a beat-up piece-of-shit Chevy she probably got from her white trash parents or stole from her ex-boyfriend, flicked a cigarette out of her car window. It bounced up off the roadway and hit my windshield.
What a despicable, disgraceful, disgusting crime. It pisses me off any time I see this happen, but having it hit my windshield really set me off. Obviously it wasn’t going to cause any damage, but what if I’d had a convertible, or had my windows open? Do I really want a cigarette butt hopping into my car, maybe even hitting me in the face as I’m driving sixty miles an hour? I don’t think so, you fucking bitch. I take some satisfaction in the fact that you’ll probably die a miserable death from cancer or emphysema or some disgusting shit like that, with no one to love you because you’re such a self-centered, arrogant, mindless douchebag. It’s a free country, and you can kill yourself any way you like,** but you do not have the right to treat I-10 Eastbound as your own personal motherfucking ashtray. I know your car was such an old shitpile it came from the days when they still put ashtrays in cars. So you don’t have any excuse, you selfish little littering bitch. You’re lucky it was the interstate and I was on my way to work. Had we been coming up to a stoplight somewhere I would have gotten out of my car and punched you in the face before grabbing your cigarettes and throwing them down the nearest storm drain.
*I’m also planning a piece on my hatred of smoking bans in private buildings. In other words, I’ll have a piece that’s anti-smoking, and a piece that’s anti-anti-smoking.
**I’m gonna die from bacon. Much, much tastier way to go.
me-ow!
I agree that cigarette littering is super lame, but i think the chance of that cig bouncing in our window is probably close to the chance that it bounces under your hood and into your oilpan thereby making your car go BOOM!
What always pissed me off more was up north in the winter people just throw their butts around and when the snow melts there would be piles of them. And A-holes who are too lazy to toss their packs. if youre going to litter a butt thats one thing. but if your gong to just ditch your whole pack. thats moronic
ok this is really terrible but i have to admit it. sometimes… my mom tosses her gum out the window. ONE TIME… she was at a red light, tossed it out the window, AND IT STUCK TO THE WINDOW OF THE CAR BESIDE HER.
whoooooops.
the reader may be led to think that, although mr. marshall has an extraordinary imagination for this smoker’s activity – an imagination imbued with a profound disgust for trendy “hipster” teenage women and feces and smokers, this imagination may not have any room for compassion’s influence.
1) I said twentysomething hipster, not teenage hipster. Also, I don’t hate hipsters; in fact, I often find the anti-hipsters to be far more annoying. But when they pull shit like this it pisses me off.
2) This blog has “hate” in the title. I’m not here for compassion.